We're going on a trip...

Yesterday was the big day.  We finally pulled out of our driveway for the big family vacation everyone had been waiting for.  Of course, this started with a full day of packing and preparations.  I am a control freak.  And I know it.  That doesn't stop me from making sure I keep that title, though, and this time was no different.  To pack for myself and 3 girls (one of whom is 10 months old and wears cloth diapers) took a straight 8 hours.  I will admit that I was also trying to do laundry, pack and freeze the weekend harvest, and straighten up the house so we could come home and relax. 

That made me think about all the values I have placed on myself and my family and what is important to continue even during a trip away from home.  With everything I do, I try to keep in the back of my mind that sometimes sticking to the plan 100% isn't necessary.  There are times that treats are in order and the clutter on the counter is less important than spending time with family.  But, other things I don't think should be compromised. 

Take the garden as a prime example.  I have 2 large gardens in my yard.  I grow as much of the veggies our family eats as possible.  We also belong to a CSA, but I'll blog about that when I'm not on vacation.  A good portion of our garden is eaten as it is picked, but some of it is preserved for future use during the colder months.  So, what to do when I'm leaving my garden just as my harvest is ripening?  I tried to keep up with it as well as I could, preserving as I went along.  My freezer is filling up with bags of chopped and blanched veggies, but I still can't stand to see anything go to waste.  So, I spent part of packing day picking, boiling, and freezing.  But, I took shortcuts on the prep end, labeling those bags to remember they will need the prep when I pull them out of the freezer later.  And some of our haul is being passed out to my parents and friends.  I dropped off a few bags of veggies, and left some on the counter for consumption by other who are helping us while we are gone.

So, what about our food while we are gone?  What do we eat?  My husband and I have initiated a 24 day challenge this month that is being put on hold until we get back home.  Sometimes, it's just not worth it to stick to a strict diet for every meal.  Especially when we drive right past a Sonic (one of our favorite and missed drive ins we frequented when we lived in the midwest).  Who can pass up tater tots and cherry limeaids?  Not us!  But, this morning, I ate a bowl of oatmeal and an apple, skipping over the processed waffle mix and fake packaged syrup.  That, to me, is not a treat.  We brought healthy snacks that we can eat when we are faced with no "treat worthy" options.  Other times, we will splurge on our favorite and now infrequent treats. 

The matter of the baby's diapers also ha to be considered.  I chose to use cloth on our precious little one's bum.  This was partly for the cost savings (at least until I became wild about the cute prints and styles!), partly for environmental reasons, and partly for the health of the baby.  Chemical free when possible is always best.  So, for this one, I had to poll my other CD friends.  My final decision?  I washed and packed all the diapers and brought a big giant wet bag crammed full of them, along with a pack of detergent for a mid-week wash.  But, I bought a pack of biodegradable liners for use when we are out and about.  I can use our covers and keep the poop from having to be lugged around all day.  Compromise.  And Sophie is just as happy as always. 

I could blog all day about all the decisions regarding the changes we made in our everyday routine to take a vacation, but as we speak, my family is ready to head out the door.  And they don't think my blog is the best thing for me to focus on right now.  So, it's off to the destination for the day...stay tuned for more from the vacationing family on the go!

Grab it and go!

One thing I have had trouble with since I've worked a more normal work week is fitting everything in.  Before working the job I have now, I was working 12 hour days, evenings, or other non-traditional hours.  It sounds hard to manage, but in reality, I thrived in the long stretches of time off between shifts.  I loved being able to run my errands during the hours that others were typically at work.  Having to share the stores with all the other working people on the weekends really cramps my run-in-and-grab-it style. 

 

But, since I joined the Monday-Friday crowd, I have found my evenings to be...well, less than relaxing.  Here is a typical day for me:

5:00am wake up to feed baby

5:30am get up and get ready for work

6:15am pack lunch for the kids and myself

6:30 round up the baby and all her stuff

(my husband gets the older girls ready and drops them off)

6:45 drive the baby to babysitter and then to work

7:15 get to work...work until about 4:00

4:15 pick up baby and drive to pick up older girls then head home

5:00 throw a load of laundry in and then sit down to feed baby

5:30 cook dinner

6:00 eat dinner, do dishes

6:30 finish laundry, folding, etc

7:00 get kids stuff ready for next day

7:30 feed baby

8:00 baths and get kids ready for bed

8:30 read books

9:00 hopefully kids to bed and spend time with husband

10:00 finish any work I brought home

head to bed sometime before midnight

hope the baby sleeps through the night

repeat

Sound fun?  It's grueling.  I spend so much time preparing for everything that I don't always enjoy the moments.  The advice I get from well-meaning friends is that I just do to much.  Um, ok.  Which parts should I leave out? 

So, I tried to remember how I managed before.  Back in the good old days when I had more time to spare.  Back when I didn't spend so much time getting ready...

 

A good friend of mine let me in on a not-so-secret secret of hers long before I ever got married.  Once a month cooking.  She took it to the extreme, and only shopped and cooked once a season for her family.  She bought in huge bulk with a friend, cooked it all up over one weekend and froze all the meals her family would eat.  So, instead of having to cook every night, she simply removed a meal, thawed it and heated it up.  I used her cookbook for a long time, and made over 62 meals in one weekend just before the birth of my first baby. 

 

Now, though, I don't have the freezer space I used to have.  What space I have is reserved for the preservation of all the produce I haul in from the garden.  So, I went looking for a new plan.  Lucky for me, I found an idea.  My husband and I were both on a new eating plan, on which we ate a salad every lunch.  Not just any salad, though.  I was cutting a ton of fresh veggies every night.  Our salads were delicious, but it was taking me an hour each night just to get it all together.  So, I saw a picture of a "salad in a jar" and decided to try it.  Just once a week cutting and layering the ingredients.  The moist ingredients on the bottom, and the ones most likely to wilt near the top.  In the morning, we can grab a jar and go...come lunchtime, we tip the jar upside down over a bowl and everything is fresh and crisp.  Ok, so far I haven't made more than 2 salads at a time, but I can vouch for the fact that it really does stay fresh!  One of my salads stayed perfect for 3 days before I ate it and even included marinated beets, feta cheese, and walnuts.  Nothing soggy! 

 

So, that's my tip of the week.  Prep ahead of time.  Freezer foods, lunch in a jar, or whatever you can find that makes less work of the evening.  Got any other great food prep ideas?  Please share them! 

 

 

Who's watching baby?

All three beautiful girls

There are many challenges that face middle class working mothers face, but probably none so stress invoking and complex as childcare.  There are often reports of low income mothers who struggle with how to find and pay for childcare, but what about those of us who are in the middle ground.  Most mothers are stuck making too much money to qualify for routine childcare subsidies but not enough to actually be able to pay the amount needed for quality childcare.  In addition to that, parents who work non-traditional days or hours can find it impossible to find someone who can care for their child so they can work without worry.  

This is the position we found ourselves in 5 years ago.  We lived in an urban mid-west city, where the options should have been plentiful.  Still, we spent hours, maybe even days, searching for and worrying about who would watch our small children.  My husband was working long hours that were often flexed to late or early shifts depending on the needs of the business.  I was working part time as a nurse for a community hospital about 30 minutes South of where we lived.  I worked the same hours every day, but the days I worked differed from week to week, and the 12 hour shifts meant I left for work at 6am and arrived home close to 8pm most nights.  I supplemented my income by teaching childbirth classes, often for a few hours during a weeknight evening.  Most day care locations had strict drop off and pick up times, and most required paying for a full weekday.  No one had weekend or late evening hours.  We managed for nearly 3 years to piece together childcare with friends, who allowed for flexibility and pay-by-the-day arrangements, but were often located far from our home.  At one time, I found myself waking at 4am to get our baby and 2 year old ready, drive 30 minutes North to my friend's house for drop off, then turn back and drive back past my house plus 30 more minutes South, and arrive at work by 6:45am.  The icy winter only added to the travel time and worry.  When my friend decided she was going to return to part time work, the gig was up.  

Our solution was a bit drastic.  We moved a little over 1400 miles to live in a small town my parents had moved to a decade earlier.  My husband went back to school and I worked evening/night shifts at the hospital while my parents filled in the hours that neither of us were at home.  For a while, we had no worries over childcare.  But, this arrangement took its toll on us.  My husband and I rarely saw each other, leading to feelings of loneliness and frustration.  I became physically drained from working nights and trying to sleep days.  Then, my oldest was preparing to go to kindergarten.  Working evenings, I was preparing myself to see her only a few days a week.  The other days, I would be at work before she got home from work and would be asleep when she got up in the mornings.  I was heartbroken and very, very stressed.  

My situation isn't drastic all all when compared with other working moms I know.  I have talked to friends who have, in desperation, worked the night shift so they could actually take care of their children during the day.  These women often did not sleep at all for 72 hours in a row.  Other moms had arrangements that allowed for only a few minutes of overlap between the time they got home from work and the time their spouse had to leave.  If she was late, sometimes the children were left alone "just a few minutes" in their beds so the spouse would not risk being late to work (an act that could eventually cause the loss of his much needed job).  One mom I know found a daycare that was open until 7pm.  She also knew that she would have to pay a routine $15 extra per day (a late fee of $1 every minute after close), as she did not leave work in time to arrive before 7:15.  

The older girls with their friend this summer.

Luckily, just as my oldest was entering kindergarten, I was promoted to nurse manager.  This new job title comes with additional responsibilities, but with more flexibility in work hours and primary day shift.  I am also blessed to be working for leaders who are understanding when my life is thrown into upheaval and work with me to make sure I have the resources I need to make sure my family and my job is in balance.  Stress over the care of our children, though, still ranks at the top of the list.  This year, we added a new life to our family. Just as my parents were preparing for retirement and travel, we added a baby to the mix.  While the older girls are now in school for most of the year, they still needed supervision getting on and off the bus.  I was able to stay home for 8 weeks, but then it was back to leaning on my parents for the bulk of this.  This summer, my parents move made it impossible for them to both care for 3 children and sort and pack their home of 17 years.  We pieced together a solution that required a calendar to know who was going where and when.  On Mondays and Tuesdays, the kids stayed together at our house, while a friend of the family came to them.  Wednesdays and Thursdays, I dropped the baby off at a babysitter on my way to work.  She stayed there until I picked her up on my way home.  The older kids were dropped off on my husband's way to work at a friend's house.  My parents shared Fridays, which was the only day I ended up not finding coverage for.  And then there were the weeks that one or more of the adults in this puzzle were out of town or had sick children and we had to rearrange again.  Until this summer, I had only written about 20 checks total in the 5 years we lived here.  This summer, I was writing 4-5 checks a week for different amounts to different people. My small budget for babysitting was eaten up faster than I could replenish it. It was complicated and confusing, but our children were safe and well cared for.  Thank goodness for my outlook and Cozi calendars.

Getting off the bus

Now, the school year is fast approaching.  That should, in theory, make it easy.  But, not only do we have to find someone to watch the baby all day, but we have to make sure the girls have an adult with them until they get on and once they get off the bus.  There is a wonderful before and after school program, but the cost for just a couple hours a day for the 2 days we need care is the same as full care, and it totals more than one of my husband's weekly paychecks.  Not an option.  So, back to our puzzle.  Thankfully, my parents are interested in helping us 3 days a week.  The other two days, we have one friend putting the older kids on the bus, another friend taking them off the bus, and another friend with a part time (yes, part time!) opening in her family friendly home daycare.  Best of all, my friend raises her son the way we strive to raise our children.  When I asked her what she would do if my baby was crying for attention when the other kids in the home needed her, she asked if Sophie would be happy in a carrier on her back.  Hurrah!  Meals, snacks and milk provided?  Double hurrah!  Still, we have the problem of timing.  The older girls need to be at their location at the same time as the baby, who is going across town, and my husband still has to be at work on time.  We are still working through this one...

Sophie gets to stay home part of the summer.

So, what do other moms do?  Some of them are putting together precarious arrangements.  Others push the envelope for safety.  Still others empty their bank accounts or their emotional and physical health to make it work.  Me?  I am thankful for the ability to move my hours forward or back to increase my options.  I do the best I can.  I hope that the string that holds it all together does not fray.  I wish for better programs that would allow for moms to work without having this worry.  In France, for example, there is mandated paid parental leave for child birth and adoption and there is the belief that society has an obligation to nurture strong parent-child ties.  Compare that to the U.S., where the cost and disruption of child bearing is viewed as a private choice and responsibility.  France has an excellent, nearly universal child care system.  Babies can be placed in either a Crèche (Daycare) or in the home of an Assistante Maternelle (Nanny). Once a child is older, he or she can be enrolled in an école maternelle (Pre-School).  Most of these options mirror the hours a European parent typically works.  Even this isn't perfect, though.  None of these are compulsory, but parents are eager to enroll, and wait lists often exist for neighborhood schools.  

For us, the decision for one of us to stay home is not financially possible.  We both love our jobs and the past few years have required us to pay catch up with our finances.  We still consider ourselves lucky to have my parents available more than half the workweek, but we still struggle to find an easy, cost-effective solution to the rest.  The issue of childcare can, and has, been the issue that can reduce this late 30-something mom of 3 to tears.  The questions on many a days is: who's watching baby today?