Broke

Broke is having to dig through your car to come up with $2.25 in change to buy one small carton of sour cream at the grocery store (to go with the leftover chicken to make fajitas for dinner). Why is this the hardest subject for me to write about? I can blog about my weight, my failures at organizing my house, and even post about the bumper of my car that is now tied on with string. But, the biggest taboo seems to be money. No one wants to talk about the situation they are in, where the money comes from, or what it is spent on. It’s important. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it’s necessary for anything we can’t provide for ourselves.  I can provide a lot for myself, but I'm a far cry from being a literal homesteader.

 

At midnight tonight, when my car payment is withdrawn from my bank account, I will have a whopping $5.63 to last me the next 2 days until my paycheck clears. I have no credit cards. We cut those up last summer when we saw our financial status crumble before our eyes. I’ve already (at 38 years old!) borrowed money from my parents just to allow my car payment to go through on time. I’ve calculated exactly how many miles I can drive without filling my gas tank to know if I will actually be able to make it to work and home again tomorrow. I have a good paying, steady job with benefits. How does this happen? 

 

I wish I could blame the $10,000 loss we took on the sale of our home when we moved. I wish I could point the finger at the medical bills we accrued from my husband’s diabetes, my daughter’s seasonal respiratory issues, or my horrific third pregnancy. I can’t even think about the year we went without real insurance for my husband because the premiums were too high. The fact of the matter is, though, the situation I face is my own lack of adaptability to the current circumstances. We’ve been through layoffs, we’ve added kids to the mix, and my husband spent 4 years going back to school. Our income went down, but instead of changing our lifestyle, we tried to find a cheaper way to keep it up. Should I tell you how well that worked? In spite of falling just shy of frugal, I still accrued more stuff than I needed, spent too many dinners in a restaurant, and was just plain careless with the belongnings I accrued. 

 

I won’t go into all the details on what we finally did, but when the credit cards met the scissors, I vowed to never look back. It hasn’t been quite a year since we made the decision to start the financial chapter of our lives over again, and we struggle with choices and plans. But, overall, I know we made the right choice. Today, though, I have nothing to fall back on. I’m trying to rebuild a savings account, save for retirement, and plan for emergencies. I’m writing, reviewing, and rewriting budgets constantly. We make mistakes, fall down, and have to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off again. What I want to make clear, though, is that I feel better now than I ever did before. 

 

Last year at this time, I had no idea how I’d ever pay the next bill to come in. I would use the card that I had sworn never to pick up again and then calculate just how long it would take to pay it off (and how much it would really cost). I had such anxiety that I felt as though I had a concrete block on my chest. It was a life altering year as we looked at our past and planned for our future.  Now, I try to only buy what we need.  I don't always succeed.  I'm still a sucker for a good sale, and I love to buy new things.  But, when it comes right down to it, it's now a matter of healthy food on the table or fixing the bumber on my car.  I can't just charge what I can't pay for now, and if I spend too much now, I will run out later. 

 

Do I still feel stressed about money?  Yes.  Do I wish I had a credit card to fall back on?  No.  It takes constant review of our accounts to stay on top of it all...what is coming in and what is scheduled to go out.  Still, I don't feel the same sense of dread that used to come over me when I reviewed my finances at the end of the month.  Knowing I was in a hole and needed someone with a strong rope to lift me out.  Someone finally did throw a rope in for me. (Actually, it was several people who helped us turn things around.) I grabbed on tight, swung around a few times as I was lifted up, slipped once or twice, but made it out and I never plan on taking that path again.

 

Note: As a testament to how difficult it is to write about money and my shortcomings in dealing with it, I wrote this blog 2 weeks ago.  I am just now able to take a deep breath and publish it.  Just as I was counting the miles to the next empty gas tank, I realized I would be 3 miles short of getting home.  A co-worker loaned me $20 to put gas in my tank.  The day after I had only $5.63 in my bank account, I had 2 reimbursement checks and 2 paychecks (mine and my husbands) hit the account at the same time.  I felt like celebrating, and it took all I had not to go out and spend a good chunk of the change.  But, I hope that this year, that's the last time I have to ask my parents for a 2 day loan.  I hope I don't have to count the miles until my car runs out of gas, and I hope that instead of borrowing, next year, I will be saving for the future. 

 

The Incredible Shrinking Katie

The Incredible Shrinking Katie

I always wanted to start a fitness blog and give it the above title. But, the truth of the matter is, I do not think any blog I am prepared to write now would be incredible. Nor am I shrinking in any sense of the word. I’ve always fought to keep my weight down. I would never call myself terribly overweight, and I have a fairly good body image in spite of the extra pounds. However, I’m feeling rather uncomfortable in my own skin. I can’t do as much as I once could without effort, and I find that I constantly feel tired and run down. So, it’s time to put a plan in action.

Can I do it? I used to be a weightlifter. I could out-lift many of the men in my gym. I worked hard at it. I went to the gym regularly; no matter what time I got out of work. I would go at 4am if I had to, and I would go at 10:00 at night. Of course, I wasn’t waking up with a toddler every night or wrestling 2 young girls in and out of bed. I’m tired. And most gyms charge an arm and a leg for childcare. So, that leaves…when? Lunch break? Midnight? Ugh.

I was also a student of Ashtanga Yoga for several years. I had a private instructor and I could twist myself up into a nice tiny pretzel. Now, I’m lucky if I can bend over and reach my feet. What happened to my flexibility? Can I get that back, too?

I suppose what I looked for in my 20s is not what I’m looking for in my (upper) 30s. I really don’t care how thin I am. I have no problem telling people how much I weigh (179.6 this morning). I will be happy to model a swimsuit for you. I am what I am and I’m not ashamed.

But, I would like to be a model of health for my children. It used to be something I was proud of. I worked for what I had and I liked to help others work for their goals. So, here’s my plan:

I plan to turn into The Incredible Strengthening Katie. Forget the shrinking. Forget the number on the scale. I’m going to (God willing) find time to go to the gym. I’m going to lift some weights. I’m going to get stronger, healthier, and fit. I’m going to show my children that I care about how I treat my body. Then, I’m going to go home and stretch those strong muscles. I’m going to practice my sun salutations and work my way toward reaching the bottom of my feet again during a forward bend. I’m going to buy an extra yoga mat and practice WITH my children. We are going to share in the joy of a healthy body and mind together. And we are going to show ourselves just how strong we can be. Om.

Clutter Clearing

One of my main goals for this year is to clear out the clutter. I have years of stuff built up that just needs to go. No more waiting for that nice weekend when we might be able to have a garage sale. No more waiting until this kid grows into it or that kid grows out of it. No more keeping those papers that I’m never going to do anything with but that I’m afraid to throw away. It all must go.
I live in a small house. It’s not so small that we can’t all fit in it, but there are 5 of us living in a house made for a family of 2…or maybe 3, but definitely not a growing family with 3 girls. We have one bathroom, a tiny kitchen, and a HUGE storage problem. We have a very large unfinished attic, but it is upstairs, and to go up with the baby in my arms every time I need to get something is just not going to happen. Ditto for trying to make things work in what little storage locations I have on the mail living floor. When we moved in, we converted this closet into a pantry and that shelf into a place for towels. But, the trouble with that is that in a busy household where there mama is being pulled in multiple directions is that I don’t have time to get everything back to where it needs to go.
Yes, I could walk my boots back to my clothes closet, but that is in the front of the house in what is designed to be a coat closet. And I could put the zip lock bags back in the pantry, but that’s over by the bathroom in a storage closet that we outfitted with cheap plastic shelves. And the mounds of towels falling all over the laundry room? That is because we have no linen closet and the wire shelves in the laundry room are also stuffed with everything else that doesn’t have a home. I need to have everything stored near its place of use. If I have to walk to another room, go into an area I wouldn’t otherwise need, or reorganize things every time I need to put something away, it won’t get put away. I need accessible storage, and I need it yesterday.
I’m a neak freak. Not a clean freak. The dust bunnies in the corner don’t bother me, but the stacks of papers and craft supplies on my desk are driving me bonkers. I don’t really have a space all to my own, and I don’t have anywhere to put the things that I use on a daily or weekly basis.
A couple of my 2013 goals are designed to get this mess under control. I know it won’t be easy, and I know I may not like having to part with some things that I own. But, in the end, I hope that I will find a more peaceful space to live in.
I started this process of clearing out the clutter at the end of 2012. I tried to go room by room, but even that was too much. So, now it is one space at a time. Over and over again, moving through the house until everything has a home and everything is in its home. It may take the whole year.
My first area of 2013 is the kitchen. I started with just one area of the kitchen. The counter space on the window side. Just a tiny area, but it’s usually piled with baked goods, the butter crock, my homemade bread, snacks for the baby, produce, snack bags, and whatever I’ve used to prep tonight’s dinner. Sometimes it is so full that I can’t even see the counter. Add to that, the fact that I have a total of THREE cabinets for the whole kitchen. And half of each of them is hard to reach. I have a row of drawers, too, and those are also full. So, I need some creative use of space. Something that will keep the stuff corralled and possibly off the actual counter surface. I’m not opposed to hanging baskets, hooks on the wall, and the like. I just need to reclaim the space. So, I’ll show you what it looks like AFTER I cleared out most of the clutter. This is a major improvement, but I want more. I want the space CLEAR and all of this stuff put away. Ideas? I need them! Suggestions? Keep them coming! Personal help? Come on over! I’ll bake the brownies and you can help me store my stuff!
More on clearing the clutter to come…for now, enjoy (or cringe) at my “before” pictures.

Happy New Year

Need a little help in setting your goals for this year? I’m doing something a little different and I would like to share it with you! I have always found New Year’s Resolutions to be too general, lacking in real motivation, and rarely successful or attainable. So, this year, I am following the SMART goal design to make a plan for 2013.
What is a SMART goal? It’s a template that is most often used in setting project management goals and objectives (also known as strategic planning), but also highly effective for personal development. SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely. Let’s look at each section by itself.
Any goal you set for yourself should be SPECIFIC. Have you made a Resolution to lose weight? To get out of debt? To relax more? None of these are specific. They may be the motivating factor behind your objective, but they don’t have the details needed to complete the plan. Maybe you want to lose weight. Your SMART goals may be to eat 5 servings of vegetables every day or to work out 4 times a week. This clarifies HOW you are going to get to your result. You may want to include the 5 Ws: What, Why, Who, Where, Which, but I don’t find it necessary to answer each one for each goal. The S in SMART can also stand for SIMPLE. I find it much more effective to have multiple simple goals than one larger, complicated goal.
The second part of your goal stresses the need for a Measurable goal. For project management, it is most often the answer to: how much, how many, or what is the deadline. Personal development goals may have a deadline, but are most often answered with how many or how much. A common Resolution is to spend more time with family. To put it in a SMART goal, specify how much time is “more time”: I will spend an hour a day with my family. Not being specific enough leaves too much room for excuses. This is one of the reasons Resolutions fail: you may start to justify that “more time” really means only 5 minutes a day or that “more time” doesn’t apply to every day at all…and then postponement turns into never. And then, the goal fails.
OK! On to Attainable! Do you want to lose 50 pounds by your high school reunion? Is your high school reunion in a month? That would not be attainable. Is your high school reunion 10 months from now? Attainable! I would love to travel oversees, and someday that may be a goal for me for the new year. Right now, though, I have a toddler and two elementary age children and a strict budget. Extensive travel is not attainable for me this year. Taking a vacation with my family this summer to the beach, though, would be attainable. If you can answer the question “How will I accomplish this” then you are setting an attainable goal.
You should also make sure that the goal isn’t below your standard performance, as that would be meaningless. Every goal you set should be Relevant to you. A meaningless goal for me would be to check my e-mail daily, as this is already an established routine. To someone from an older generation who is trying to keep in touch with grandchildren who e-mail, though, this would be an attainable goal! When you set goals that are within reach and important to you, you will be more motivated to learn the skills, gain the finances necessary, and have the right attitude to reach them. A relevant goal may also need support from friends and family and MUST be in alignment with your other goals. If one goal is to lose 50 pounds and the other is to bake a batch of cookies every day, then one of your goals is not relevant. Every goal you set should be worthwhile, match your values and beliefs, and it must be the right time and place for the goal to be made.
Lastly, make sure your goals all have a Time Frame to follow. It is important to set the standard for each goal so that they do not disappear into your day-to-day life. Setting a specific time frame sets a sense of urgency and helps with the planning of the activities that help you to reach the goal. Make a commitment that will help ground your goals for the year. My goals are diverse. I have some goals that have a deadline: “I will find a place for myself by the end of January.” I have other goals that are daily processes: “I will tell my husband that I love him daily.” There may be a distinct conclusion to your goal or it may be ongoing, but there needs to be a frame to guide you.
So, how are you going to set your goals for 2013? Have any ideas? Don’t forget that your goals should also be fluid. It is easy to get stuck in a rut. Maybe your goal to “clear out the clutter” gives you an organized home by July (if it does, let me know how you did it!). Don’t feel that you have to continue with this task just because it is one of your goals. Many people make their SMART goals SMARTER by adding two more steps: Evaluate and Reevaluate.
Evaluate your goals according to the time frame you have set. Or take time once a week (or month) to evaluate all your goals. Is it still enjoyable for you? Is it making a difference? Is there a reason to continue your goal? And most important, is it harming you or anyone else? These can all be clues as to the overall need for your goal to continue.
Then, use your findings to Reevaluate your overall plan. Does one goal need to change to support another? Should goals be added? Removed? Do the time frames need to change? Your plan doesn’t have to stay the same as it was first designed. Change it as it needs to be sure you are getting the most from your goals.
So, get to setting some goals for yourself. Make sure they follow the guidelines above and you will be on the road to success in whatever way you want it to be!
Happy New Year!