The Project

There is a new genre for writing, and it’s a non-fiction explosion of information.  There are bloggers, authors, and just ordinary people embarking on projects and documenting their process.  Some people want to lose weight, some want to eat healthier, some are interested in doing good deeds or becoming happier.  Everyone is writing  about it. 

I’m a blog stalker.  I’m addicted to these projects.  I love seeing how other people have gone through the process of cleaning their homes from top to bottom with weekly goals, using their crock pot 365 days of one consecutive year, or banning processed food from their homes for 100 days.  Best of all, I love to steal their ideas!  I figure: why reinvent the wheel?  I’d rather just repurpose the wheel that someone else made and put it in my own life! My life’s ride can be just as smooth with someone else’s wheel.  It might get a little dirty on the road, or need a patch here and there, but it’s bound to be round and get me where I want to go. 

When I wanted to start my own blog, I thought about what project I wanted to start.  My problem?  I couldn’t choose just one.  There are too many areas of my life that I want to change.  They are all interconnected, like a big web, and fixing one won’t get me to my goal. 

What I have learned from all these projects, though, are two important lessons:

1.       The power of organizing goals and breaking goals down into smaller mini-goals

2.      Putting a time frame on the goals

I’m not great at either of the above.  I’d rather tackle things as they happen and just carry on until something is done.  But, that is probably why I spend most of my time not sure which way I’m going or how long it will take me to get there!  So, I’m going to spend the next few weeks outlining what really is most important to me.  Then, I plan to break down these ideas into mini-goals.  Each mini goal may have a set time frame, or it may have a result oriented completion (for example: WHEN I have $200 in savings I will buy a new phone. VS I will save $10 a week until I have enough money to buy a new phone.)  Some goals will turn into permanent goals (see 100daysofrealfood.com for an example of a goal turned lifestyle.  Some goals I may find I complete only to turn into other goals.  But, mostly, I just want to know that what I’m doing really matters.  To me.  To my family. 

To start off with, I would like to add a goal to my ever-growing list.  I want to be happier.  That’s my big, life-changing goal.  I’m not typically a happy person.  I wish I was, but I’m more the snarky, sarcastic, tries-to-be-witty-but often fails type.  To start off with, though, I need to break it down.  I’ll find a few others who have wanted to improve on their happiness and I’ll see how their efforts helped them.  I know one thing, though, my first mini-goal is to spend more time with my family doing fun things.  I tend to get all wrapped up in what has to be done and don’t take the time to do anything fun.  My husband even commented on this during our slightly stressful weekend.  My kids have had the question: “what does your mom like to do” on mother’s day surveys and they answer “clean house.”  As if…

Is this possible?  Can I really ignore my messy house and my unorganized children?  Not sure.  But, I want to try.  My first mini-mini-goal?  (I broke it down as much as I could!)  I am going to take time each day to read a book with my girls.  We chose Charlotte’s Web for our first read aloud book.  I figured the girls would get bored with it, but so far, they love it.  They ask questions.  They pay attention.  But  mostly, they are just glad to snuggle up on the couch and be with me.  I haven’t been able to do it every night, though, so it’s still a work in progress.  I still can’t ignore the dirty clothes on the couch or the pile of dishes in the sink.  I still want to feel like the rest of the family wants to pitch it.  So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to try and find a blog about a woman who tries to do it all… J

Here are the links to some of my favorite projects!  Enjoy!

The Happiness Project

100daysofrealfood

Animal Vegetable Miracle

365 Days of Crockpot Recipies

Creative Organizing

Couch to 5K

Body for Life

Just say no

Just say no.

 

Ah, so mama can’t always do it all. I am learning this bit by bit, but I still have trouble with the one thing that would most keep me from getting overwhelmed. Saying no.

Why is it so hard to tell someone no? I think most of us agree to take on additional responsibilities out of guilt. We either want to please someone else, or we want to do something nice for someone we think deserves it. But, what about us? Does everyone pick up our slack when we run out of time? Who helps us catch up on our housework, much less provide us with extra free time to do the things we love?

 

This week, my daughter was asked to move to a different night for her musical theater class. The original schedule was perfect. The class fell right after another dance class, so I could drop her off at 10am on Saturday and pick her back up at noon. No additional time or stress on my part. Now, because of her skill level, she was recommended to move to Wednesday nights. Consider this: she already has dance on Tuesday and Thursday night. I have a meeting every Monday night, spread out over church councils and girl scouts. Her sister had ice skating on Sunday nights. If she moved to Wednesday nights with the other girls her level, that only leaves us with Friday and Saturday nights together as a family. At age 8, she really wants to have at least a couple evenings a week to just hang out with her friends in the neighborhood, play video games with Dad, or just be at home. I really want to spend more time with my family, and less time running from place to place. I would also have to flex my hours, yet again, to be able to get her there on time. Not easy. So, for once, I just said no. I had to. My sanity was at stake. And wouldn’t you know, my friend sent me a message shortly after to commiserate on how stressful the change was going to be. I told her I wasn’t going to move Kira’s class. We were going to stay in the lower level and just deal with it. Her response?

 

“I don’t know why I need to hear someone else to say what is so clear to me. ..I’m very disappointed, too (that we won’t be switching). But thank you for helping me make the decision.”

 

I also decided that enough was enough, and moved my daughter’s ice skating lesson from Sunday nights, which is when her friends signed up, to Thursday nights. Yes, that means I will only be able to take Kira or Alayna and rely on help for the other every single week. But, it frees up yet another night. And, the bonus? There is only ONE other girl at her level in figure skating on Thursdays. She almost has a private lesson all to herself! She was in heaven, skating around in her glittery purple dress, soaking up all of her instructor’s attention. Win-win!

 

Just as I was feeling proud of myself for rearranging everything, I got a call from a church member. I have been a member of women’s council for the past 2 years, with my term nearly over in January. I was excited when I was nominated in 2010. I was up for the challenge. My girls were older, and more independent. I had more free time! Then, as soon as I began my term, I got pregnant. Then I became ill. Then, I had a baby. You can imagine where my free time went. So, as proud as I was to serve, I was not able to participate as much as I should have. I was looking forward to my term ending. Then, I found out I was nominated to be a deacon. In all fairness, I asked what the responsibilities would entail (not a lot, and all shared among other deacons), and told her I would consider it. But, as much as I am flattered, I know I would not be ready to go my best at this job. I feel it should go to someone who has the time, energy, and commitment. I will be saying no once again. Does this mean I will always say no? There is a place and a time for everything, and if my place and time change, so might my answer.

 

Is it fair to yourself and your family to always say yes? Consider how an extra responsibility will weigh on your emotional state, the amount of sleep you get, the level of stress you carry. Consider the benefits to others compared to the burden on your family and your life. Some requests that are made will be worth your time and energy, while others will drain you of your passion. Just say no.

 

Is it fair to the person making the request to always say yet? If you say yes and can’t follow through, it is worse than if you had just said no to begin with. If someone is counting on you and nothing gets done, they may lose respect for you and you may lose a friend. Just say no.

 

Is it fair to teach your children that you really should try to do it all? Children learn by example, and they should be able to learn from you how to make the right choice when faced with a decision that can impact their freedoms, their responsibilities, and their group interactions. Just say no. Gently. Then explain what you did and why you did it.

 

What’s the best way to say no? Don’t make excuses. Be firm. Explain that you have already have a responsibility right now that occupies your time. Offer up options that you ARE willing to do, but only if you are really willing to do them, and willing to do them well. Then, move on. No guilt. Know that by passing on an opportunity, someone else has the opportunity instead. Know that your family will have that much more time with you. Know that by that one little word, you give yourself another long deep breath in your busy life. Just say no.

Sperm and Egg Friends

Also known as: Why I like to blog.

From the title of my blog, you might be expecting me to talk about my career (as a maternity RN) or give you a family science lecture.  Nope.  I just want to give you a brief background into why I blog.  I've always loved to read and write...I think I'd love to be a writer, but I just don't have the self-determination yet.  More than writing, though, I love connecting.  I take something I'm passionate about and I want to share it with others.  I like to share with like-minded people, and I like to share my knowledge with others who might take comfort from it or learn something new. 

The way I look it, you shouldn't reinvent the wheel if there's already one rolling in the right direction. 

When my husband and I were ready to start our family, our bodies had a different idea.  For a little over 18 months, we progressed through many stages of preparing for our future family.  At first, we thought it was just going to happen.  We were firm believers in "what happens (or doesn't happen) happens for a reason" and that it just wasn't the right time.  Then, we took steps to find out why it didn't happen...and more steps...and more steps.  Many hormone levels and fertility charts later, we were still left without answers.  At some point during the long process, I joined an online group that began as Pregnancy and Baby and merged into the TTC Boards.  TTC is forum speak for "trying to concieve."  Before I knew it, I was thrown into one of the most influential group of women that I've ever joined.  These women were determined.  They were knowledgable.  They were supportive.  When one woman posted about her struggles, another would help her research some answers and guide her in the right direction.  We laughed about the bits of humor in our days, and we cried when another member discovered she was not pregnant for another month.  We cheered at the top of our lungs (which consisted of ALL CAPITAL LETTERS!!!) when one of us got her BFP (big fat positive pregnancy test).  Where else could I have taken my defective pregnancy test, smashed it to bits with a hammer and then posted a picture to others who could understand why?  I spent a good part of a year and a half watching women come and go with this group, and I eventually became the moderator of several boards.  I loved it.  I could take my struggles, use my knowledge, and help someone else.  I was always disappointed when I didn't get to move on to the pregnancy boards, but I felt great knowing that I could help someone else. 

Of course, I couldn't call me blog "can mama do it all?" if I never became a mama.  I did eventually get my BFP and moved on to become moderator of what was the "Due in November" boards.  Here, I already had knowledge to share.  I used my maternity background to answer pregnancy questions and delivery day advice.  In turn, they offered me support during my awful months of morning sickness.  We helped each other. 

I know, I know.  I need to be in the real world.  These virtual friends could not possibly be real friends, right?  Wrong.  Some of these women are still dear friends today.  Women that I can call on when I need support.  I have met several of them IRL (in real life) and we still share pictures of our children and have grown to learn from each other in our posts.  Most of us moved together to a board that our friend Tracy set up that she aptly named "Hot Heavenly Mamas" and now most of us are friends on facebook.  I love to read about Tracy's birds, Anna's journey with cloth diapers and homeschooling, Sheila's photography, and Diedra's graduation from nursing school.  It facinates me to think that Kara is still in Texas (her sign on was Karaintx) but that I've moved across the country to the Northeast.  I love to see all the kids who were born in the same chilly November growing up, and I love to see all the additions to the families.  My husband has always called these friends my "sperm and egg friends" from the days of the infertility struggles. 

What does this have to do with my life as an overwhelmed mom?  I hope that by sharing what I've learned along the way and encouraging my friends to share in their experiences as they learn to juggle life's many roles that we will all be better for it.  No sense in reinventing the wheel if we can all just hop on the ride!  So, please, if you are a mama who is trying to do it all, ask for advice.  If you have found a way to make part of your life easier, share it.  Invite your friends to read more, and let me know what you want to see more of...mama CAN do a lot, and I'd love to make it easier for you to do all you want to do, too! 

Smidge and the facilitators

This morning, I attended a meeting where we attempted to discuss work-life balance.  When our leadership team requested (pleaded for) some assistance with this, our fearless co-worker, Russ, took on the challenge of researching and presenting the topic.  I'd have to mark the hour we spent on the topic as productive and thought provoking (kudos to Russ!).  Sometimes, meetings can get bogged down with the details of tasks that need to be done, and we forget to share some of the stressors of normal, everyday worklife.  We were all feeling the pressures of maintaining a healthy home life and still finding the time to tackle the piles of work in our inboxes, on our desks, scattered around the office, schlepped from place to place...you get the picture.  Some of us have small children, and some of us have other "roles" that we maintain outside of work.  All of us find it difficult to take care of ourselves!

This morning, we were asked to list the roles we all maintain and how we feel we do in these roles.  The stress of imbalance often comes from not prioritizing our daily roles.  As I was working on listing out my roles, I got to the end of the page.  I still wasn't done.  Ah-ha!  Too many roles?  Too much emphasis on the wrong ones?  I haven't gotten that far yet.  I'm still adding more roles to the list!  Looking at myself, though, I know that historically, I take on too much.  Suddenly, I'm not really good at a few roles, I'm mediocre (or sometimes terrible!) at a huge number of roles.  Not pretty.  I'd much rather be really good at a few things than so-so at a whole slew of them.  That's why I specialized in labor/delivery when I became an RN.  However, I love to try new things.  I have lots of hobbies, and I tend to pile on individual projects without considering everything else going on.  One role, but many pieces.  I'm the same way with food, hence the nickname "smidge" that I earned by visiting the buffet with my friends and taking just one or two bites of most everything.  I tend to dabble a little in this, and a little in that.  When I find something I really enjoy, I stick with it...but not always for the long haul. 

One of the comments that I reflected back on this morning involved facilitators and drainers.  We were given a template to list out the things in our life for each category.  Interestingly, I suggested that what used to be a facilitator of happiness for me can turn into a drain if it is the wrong time, wrong place, with the wrong person.  Take scrapbooking, for example.  I love scrapbooking.  It allows me to use my training in the visual arts without plunging full force into the canvas and oils.  I can work on it piece by piece and also revisit the best moments of my past.  In the past, this was my biggest facilitator.  I used it as my creative outlet.  It relieved stress and gave me some "me time" while the kids were napping or out for the day.  I loved to show off my books and enjoyed going to group scrapping parties to learn new techniques and socialize.  But, with my third (and final!) baby, I discovered that even thinking about getting out all the tools, pages, and photos gives me anxiety.  I just simply have too many other things going on.  I'd much rather work outside in the garden (a current facilitator) and leave the photos (well organized by date and event!) on my harddrive.  I post them to social sites, but I haven't worked on a scrapbook in a few years.  I still feel guilty about my third not having a book while my first daughter has a work of art.  But, I figure, I'd rather have the quality time with her now than have a scrapbook full of empty memories because I tried to fit one too many things in. 

I think happiness is a personal journey that many of us fail to initiate.  Myself included.  I know I want to be happy, but I just don't try hard enough.  Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the barriers that I have created or refuse to knock down, that I just forget to see the options that could make my life easier.  So, over the next few days, I'm going to take a good look at my life.  I'm going to spend some time looking into myself.  Can I really do it all?  No.  Can I really do all that truly makes me happy?  I'd like to think so.  The real question is: can mama do it all and still stay happy?  If the answer is yes, then my path is being paved well.  If the answer is no, then I will have to discover for myself what the priorities are that I need to set.  The goal is not for me to try to be superwoman.  The goal is for me to find ways to achieve a work life balance I can live with.  And come out smiling in the end.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to take the first step...in the right direction.  If anyone needs me, I'll be figuring out what makes me happy.

Cleaning up the kitchen

Tiny corners filled with food.

 This time of year marks the season where I spend more time in the kitchen, and inevitably, create a bigger mess there.  Here in lies one of my major faults...organization.  Sadly, organization used to be one of my major strengths.  But, with 3 kids and a husband who didn't get the organization gene, life has taken a messy turn.  It still drives me mad that my house is full of clutter, but I just don't know where to begin.  The amount of stuff we have makes me long for the days when it was just me and the dog in a 3 room apartment.  The stuff I had in "storage" fit in one tiny porch closet.  Now, we could open our own thrift store in our attic.  Ugh.



A one day harvest in 2011!


The room that is the hardest to keep organized is the kitchen.  I keep the kitchen clean, but the clutter on the counters fills the room.  The floor during this harvest season is usually dusted with a thin (or not so thin) layer of debris from the garden as I trudge back and forth between dirty plot and shiny stove.  There are constant splatters of sauce, vinegars, and trails of flour and fresh spices to be wiped up.  However much I love to cook, I can't stand to clean.  The biggest problem, though, is not the ability to clean up a mess, it's the lack of space to store things.  If you've ever tried to "live off the land" as much as possible, you know that you have to start socking things away for the winter...way before winter comes.  As the growing and harvesting season progresses, more and more space is needed for squash, onions, garlic, heaping hobs of tomatoes waiting to be turned into sauce. 

I have a small kitchen.  It fits well in my small house, but it's not a cook's kitchen.  My house was built in 1925, but my kitchen was recently "modernized" by a previous owner.  That previous owner must not have used the kitchen the same way I do.  There are very few cabinets, even less counter space, and one small sink.  My refrigerator, from the days when it was only my husband and I, doesn't hold kitchen staples and the weekly CSA gathering without being overstuffed and difficult to manage.  To say it plainly:

The kitchen table is always full of utensils or harvest.

I. Need. More. Storage.

I've tried various bins.  I took over the laundry room closet and turned it into a pantry.  I tried hiding cooking pots and utensils around the house, but nothing works.  I use all my cooking utensils so frequently that they stay there on the counter waiting for the next day.  I just can't bring myself to put food items in my damp basement.  And I definately won't stop growing and cooking food the way I do.  So, what's a girl to do?  I need a solution to this fast growing problem. 

Luckily, for this year, our harvest season is nearly complete.  Last night's temperature was only 38 degrees, and frost will soon bring down the tender plants.  I'll be bringing in kale, salad greens, carrots, and a few other cool weather veggies for a few more weeks, but the high volume of chopping, blanching, and storing is almost done.  Soon, I'll be praying for fresh veggies to crowd my counters and feed my family.  Before then, I hope I've found a good bargain on some cabinets to fill the one blank wall in my house! 

Starting an adventure

I plan to use my blog not just to journal for myself about my daily reflections and struggles as a mom trying to juggle it all, but to help others who are trying to do too much.  So, I spent a good part of my morning trying to figure out how to reach out to more people.  Then, I realized, it won't be much help if I don't actually POST something.  So, while my 10 month old is sitting in her highchair not-so-calmly feeding herself some apple slices and squeeky cheese curds, I will try and get a few lines written. 

The absolute number one question I've had from those who have been following my blog, is "How do I get started?" and the number one comment is "It seems so overwhelming...how DO you do it all?"

So, I thought I better clarify something right off the bat: I have not always lived this way.  Yes, I have always been a collector (both of things and of passions), but the homemaking skills I have acquired slowly.  The same thing goes for my stance on chemical free cleaning and eating.  Knowledge has come to me over the years and I've added a little bit here and a little bit there.  And I don't think I'm anywhere near done yet. 

The best advice I can give someone is to pick something that is important to you and start there.  Don't expect to be an expert overnight, and don't expect to succeed every time, either.  With both success and failures comes the knowledge to do it better next time (or to not do it at all!).  It might be important to you to learn how to cook more meals from scratch.  You might want to keep a clean house but reduce your exposure to chemicals.  Maybe you want to learn how and where to source your meats locally...or learn why this is important in the first place.  Maybe you just want to learn how to be happier where you are now (this is my current goal!).  Or do you just want to read and learn what to do in the future? 

I'd have to trace the start of my journey back before I ever got married.  I had a passion for cooking...I collected all sorts of cookbooks and spent most of my free time trying new recipes.  About 12 years ago, I even managed to write and self publish a cookbook of all my favorites that I shared with my friends and family!  I'm pretty sure that my recipe for chicken parmesan with homemade bread is what my husband married me for...although my stuffed jalapeno peppers might be a close second.

Then, shortly before I got married, I began to have an increase in chronic pain issues.  Sometimes, it was more severe, and sometimes it was mild, but it was ever present.  I felt like I had the flu all the time.  Without a medical diagnosis, it was difficult to manage the pain, and hard to know how to cope with it.  So, I started to track life events in the hopes that I could find a trigger.  The first thing I noticed was that on days I cleaned the house, I had more pain.  At first I attributed this to the physical act of cleaning, but after a while, I noticed that when the housekeeper at work cleaned near me, my pain became much more noticable.  On the suggestion of a friend, I started using only chemical-free products when I cleaned, and I avoided any areas that chemicals were being used in.  Suddenly, I felt better.  And the longer I was away from chemicals, the better I felt.  Eureka!  Known unofficially as chemical sensitivity, my problems could be managed with a simple switch in product. 

Of course, there were still times that I had a return of the pain.  Mostly, this occured when I was in a more healthy eating phase.  Now, I realize that it was this "healthy" food that was hurting me.  Any artificial sweetener is a chemical product designed to trick the body into thinking it has had sugar.  But, at what cost.  Is it really bad to have a natural sugar with the calories or is it worse to have an artificial sweetener full of chemicals?  As I began to eat healthier "real" foods, and talking about them with others, I noticed I was gravitating toward local, seasonal foods.  They tasted better, they looked better, and I knew where they came from.  A friend invited me to a screening of Food, Inc., which I encourage everyone to watch, and that sealed the deal.  I became a locavore. 

With my new hobby of searching out local foods, I was led into many directions: my own gardening skills needed to be honed, I needed a network of farmers to help me source what I could not provide for myself, I wanted to learn more about the environmental impact of my choices, and I had to learn a whole new way of cooking...and add food preservation to my growing list. 

With my new skills of food preservation and gardening, I was led into new circles of friends.  Some of these friends had other hobbies, skills, and passions that were complimentary to my values.  I now know how to sew (although not well!), have rekindled my love for crafting, and have found many new things to read about and explore. 

It may seem overwhelming to look at the list of all I do without taking into consideration that it has taken me 12 years to get where I am today.  Some people will acquire skills faster, and some might never add all that I do to their list.  Some people just want to grab a coffee and a doughnut and kick back to read about what I've done!  Kudos to that, too!  Go at your own pace.  You will find that trying to take on too much will lead to a collapse of your plans.  Pick a topic or two that you find interesting and learn about it.  Try something new.  Talk to others who have gone that way before you.  Never try to reinvent the wheel when it is already rolling along just fine.  And, above all, if you have a question: ASK IT!  You will find, if you keep your mind open, one thing will lead into another...and before you know it, you'll be able to do more and more!

If you have a topic that you want to hear more about, please leave me a comment on my FB page or here on the blog.  I'd love to share what I know with you!  And if I don't have the knowledge you are looking for, I bet I know someone who does...and I would love to connect you.  Who couldn't use another friend that is willing to share a common goal? 

Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater

Also known as: how and why I cheat.

My last post was all about why I choose to eat the way I do.  Mostly organic, always local when possible, and always with intention.  But, just so my friends won't stop asking me to dinner (!), I'd like to share my philosophy on cheating.  I encourage my kids to do it.  I tell my friends they should do it.  My husband and I do it (probably my husband a wee bit more than me!).  I just don't think that sticking 100% rigid to a system that can keep you from socializing, alienate you from friendly gatherings, or limit options to the point of stress is healthy.

I follow a good number of writers who have many of the same passions that I do.  Most of the time, they have great ideas, research or experience to back up their opinions, and advice worth taking.  Sometimes, though, I shudder when I read things like "I hope you never eat at places like that" and "you should never buy xyz from anyone but xyz."  Although I've spent a good decade and a half coming to grips with my own personal belief on why food should be sourced locally and seasonally when possible, I know that sometimes I'll be faced with a situation that puts me right in the path of a food that doesn't fit into one of my pre-thought out categories.  What I've come to discover is that I feel comfortable with stepping outside of my food bubble when I have carefully weighed the benefits of eating a given food and decided that this food at this time in this situation is right for me.  This may change at a given event, for a holiday, or during a weekly shopping trip.  Here's a quick wrap up of how it usually goes.

Kira (age 4) picking berries.

Most of my family loves bananas.  Except my 5 year old.  She says they make her mouth open (meaning they make her gag!), but that's for another blog.  In upstate NY, we do not typically grow banana trees.  So, when I buy the weekly supply of produce, do I skip the bananas?  No!  I make the best choice from the options I have.  I don't always pick the organic banana either, since most of the toxins would be on the peel. I am not a monkey.  I do not eat the peel.  However, when my daughter requests strawberries in the middle of winter, I always tell her no.  Upstate NY has some of the best tasting spring bearing strawberry plants I've ever picked from.  We wait until they are ready for picking.  And then we pick, and pick, and pick, and pick.  And freeze.  When we want strawberries in winter, we thaw some of the gallons I have in the deep freeze and put them over pancakes or mix them in our yogurt.  We also try to only buy local apples in the fall, peaches in mid summer, and limit ourselves as much as possible to the spring and summer veggies we grow or get in our weekly CSA box.

What about meat, you ask?  Well, I am not a vegan, as I could never give up my dairy.  We also eat a moderate amount of locally raised, humanely treated meats.  I have visited most of the farms where our meat comes from and met the farmers.  I buy eggs and dairy from local farmers, too.

But, there are some nights when I just can't raise the energy to cook a homecooked meal.  What then?  Well, lucky for me, there are a few local places that serve foods prepared with local meats and produce.  If you are local and want to know where those are, let me know and I'll share my tips!  Really, though, going out to eat for us has turned into more of a treat.  And treats are meant to be experienced.  Not every night, but when we do, I don't always want to worry about every bite I take.  So, I look at the menu and decide what is the healthiest, least likely to clash with my beliefs.  I have found it easier now, because I try to order something that I can share with the baby.  If I wouldn't feed it to her, I won't order it (more about how we feed her to come!).  You can find horrible reviews on just about any restaurant out there on some of these food blogs.  Even Panara Bread and Chipotle, widely recognized for health and moral values, use questionable ingredients or don't publish their ingredients at all!  But, there are times when it just isn't possible for me to lug 3 kids out in 2 feet of snow to trudge through the grocery store just to take it home and try to cook with at least one of them hanging onto my legs while I try to throw something together...So, sometimes I hit the drive through.  Yes, me.  I have been known to cruise through a fast food drive through to get my kids a quick meal.  But, it is a treat.  Not for everyday.  And I hope that it's teaching them to make better choices too.

Then there are the church potlucks, the dinner invitations, and the times we go on vacation or celebrate an occasion.  Those are the times to relax a little.  I eat what I want.  I let my kids have treats.  I still consider the food that is put in front of me, but I don't ask where it came from or who raised it.  I eat every lovingly made bite.  And I enjoy it.  The way I look at it, I am spending more than 90% of my meals eating foods that are local and toxin free.  If the other 10% of the foods I eat are not completely void of chemicals and their source can't be traced in a straight line, I am doing A-OK.

Is there anything I absolutely won't cheat on?  Yup.  But, it's more of a personal health choice.  I found in my adult life that artificial sweeteners give me headaches, aching joints, and other ailments.  So, even if a well-meaning friend gives me sugar free foods, I thank them and then pass them over to my husband.  He does not have the same reaction, and with his diabetes, these are often his "treat cheats."

My advice to anyone embarking on a food journey is to take it one step at a time.  Don't jump in all the way until you look at all the angles.  Know why you choose to eat the way you do.  Is it just the nutritional value you are looking to gain?  The chemicals you wish to avoid?  Or is it the environmental impact of getting a food from point A to point B?  Even then, you may not know if an animal has been treated well or a plant has been sprayed.  Find the points that matter more to you and take it from there.  You just might find yourself eating your way to a more healthy you.

Got milk?

When not nursing, she loves to snack!

My husband (the handsome man he is) asked me to blog about our vacation, but the truth of the matter is, we didn't eat dinner most nights until after 8pm and then I had to get everyone ready for the next adventure in the morning.  No time for blogging, so I'm going to have to catch up after the fact.

I will say, though, that this was a perfect vacation!  We had a few cranky moments and some screaming from the backseat, reminding us why we nicknamed Sophie "baby dragon."  We also discovered our trusty GPS, whom we named Lexi, does not navigate well in large cities with tall buildings.  Nevertheless, we picked some fantastic places to visit.  It isn't easy to find places that have activities to entertain a studious 7 year old, social butterfly 5 year old, and an active 10 month old who learned to walk just days before the trip.  Our destinations included the Crayola Experience in Easton, PA, Sesame Place in Langhorne, PA, the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia, and Ocean City, NJ.  We also stopped in Hershey on the way back, but more about that later...

My biggest fear, however, wasn't how to entertain the girls, it was how to feed them.  Most specifically, the baby.  Despite my firm conviction that women should be allowed to breastfeed anytime, anywhere, it is still a difficult situation.  I, for one, am fine ignoring the furtive glances or rude comments thrown my direction by grouchy grown ups.  I am discreet.  I am calm.  I am determined.  My 10 month old, though, is easily distracted.  This can mean longer feedings with a few less than modest moments.  The best plan is to find a quiet, out of the way location to sit and nurse her.  This, however, is often quite a challenge.  You would think that a place built to entertain small children would take that into consideration.  You probably would not be surprised to find that the place often suggested to me is a bathroom stall.  Yuck!  I have nursed one time in a bathroom, and I will never do it again.  Who wants to spend that much time in a public bathroom, much less eat in one?

At the Crayola factory, I did find a table in the back corner..  While my older kids made clay creations with dad, I pretended to be creating artwork.  In fact, I was just staring off into space while my sweet baby nursed.  No one noticed.  I find that to be my best strategy. No crazy cover-ups, no apologies to those around me, and no big efforts.  Just act like its the most natural way to feed a baby (imagine that!). She fell asleep in a few minutes.

Napping in the shade at Sesame.

Sesame Place was a whole different story.  The first day, I ended up just going to the kiddie pool cabana and hoping for the best.  It was non-eventful, but still quite public.  Luckily, the pool had just closed for maintenance and we were there on a very non-crowded day. I sat in a beach chair in the shade and by the time the pool reopened, she was sound asleep.  We returned to Sesame another day, though, and the crowds were huge.  There was no quiet location to be found.  Kids were running wild everywhere and I knew Sophie would not settle well.  Then, I spotted it.  A door just off the main path that read "nursing moms only."  Yipee!  Part way through the day, dad and the older girls headed off to stand in the long line to the "duckie slide" while I took Sophie to the baby wave pool.  After a few minutes, she was more interested in my tankini top than the water, and I knew she was ready for milk.  I spotted my family above me in line, pointed to the baby, mimed a sort of drinking motion and hoped they knew where I was headed.  I pulled open the door to a very plain room, but there was a diaper changing table, a sink, and a big rocking chair.  Best of all, it was free from crowds and distractions.  Whew.  We settled in and enjoyed the quiet, darkened space out of the sun.

I think I am very discreet!

In between our trips to Sesame, we went to the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia.  It was fantastic with all sorts of interactive exhibits for the baby and my older girls!  Every area for the older girls had a small area off to the side for toddlers and babies.  The only thing missing was an obvious place to nurse.  This time, though, I wised up and asked.  Low and behold, as soon as I asked, a manager came right to get me and escort me to a private boardroom.  He asked if I needed anything to be more comfortable, and told me I could have the room to myself as long as I needed.  Even if she wanted to finish her nap!

Napping on the beach after nursing.

The beach in Ocean City was the only place that proved to be more eventful, but not because of any rules or regulations.  I sat right down under our umbrella, covered with a towel, and...the wind whipped the umbrella right out of the sand and down the beach, taking out a couple people as it traveled.  So much for indiscretion.  I had pretty much the whole area of the beach looking at me.  I just acted like I was horrified that the wind was blowing and that I had no idea why there were chubby feet sticking out of the towel.  And just as we settled in again, umbrella secured by jamming it between the bars on the stroller, a medical emergency, complete with a full rescue a few hundred feet off the coast and beach ambulances, occurred the next beach over.  This prompted everyone who could walk to come right in front of our beach blanket to gawk over the rocks at the activity.  I just watched with them, ignoring the kicking feet and waving arms poking out of the towel.  Eventually, the activity subsided and she drifted off for a nice nap in the salty air.

Still, I found the balance of nursing a baby with a fast paced family vacation challenging at times.  I spent more than a few feedings sitting in my car while the rest of the family was having fun.  But, it's all worth it to me.  This is one thing I wouldn't give up for the world.  Those precious moments that only I can have with her won't last forever, and the milky smiles make my heart melt.

**postscript: It appears that my dear, sweet husband may have hacked my blog and added a comment above.  I'm sure you can guess which one!

We're going on a trip...

Yesterday was the big day.  We finally pulled out of our driveway for the big family vacation everyone had been waiting for.  Of course, this started with a full day of packing and preparations.  I am a control freak.  And I know it.  That doesn't stop me from making sure I keep that title, though, and this time was no different.  To pack for myself and 3 girls (one of whom is 10 months old and wears cloth diapers) took a straight 8 hours.  I will admit that I was also trying to do laundry, pack and freeze the weekend harvest, and straighten up the house so we could come home and relax. 

That made me think about all the values I have placed on myself and my family and what is important to continue even during a trip away from home.  With everything I do, I try to keep in the back of my mind that sometimes sticking to the plan 100% isn't necessary.  There are times that treats are in order and the clutter on the counter is less important than spending time with family.  But, other things I don't think should be compromised. 

Take the garden as a prime example.  I have 2 large gardens in my yard.  I grow as much of the veggies our family eats as possible.  We also belong to a CSA, but I'll blog about that when I'm not on vacation.  A good portion of our garden is eaten as it is picked, but some of it is preserved for future use during the colder months.  So, what to do when I'm leaving my garden just as my harvest is ripening?  I tried to keep up with it as well as I could, preserving as I went along.  My freezer is filling up with bags of chopped and blanched veggies, but I still can't stand to see anything go to waste.  So, I spent part of packing day picking, boiling, and freezing.  But, I took shortcuts on the prep end, labeling those bags to remember they will need the prep when I pull them out of the freezer later.  And some of our haul is being passed out to my parents and friends.  I dropped off a few bags of veggies, and left some on the counter for consumption by other who are helping us while we are gone.

So, what about our food while we are gone?  What do we eat?  My husband and I have initiated a 24 day challenge this month that is being put on hold until we get back home.  Sometimes, it's just not worth it to stick to a strict diet for every meal.  Especially when we drive right past a Sonic (one of our favorite and missed drive ins we frequented when we lived in the midwest).  Who can pass up tater tots and cherry limeaids?  Not us!  But, this morning, I ate a bowl of oatmeal and an apple, skipping over the processed waffle mix and fake packaged syrup.  That, to me, is not a treat.  We brought healthy snacks that we can eat when we are faced with no "treat worthy" options.  Other times, we will splurge on our favorite and now infrequent treats. 

The matter of the baby's diapers also ha to be considered.  I chose to use cloth on our precious little one's bum.  This was partly for the cost savings (at least until I became wild about the cute prints and styles!), partly for environmental reasons, and partly for the health of the baby.  Chemical free when possible is always best.  So, for this one, I had to poll my other CD friends.  My final decision?  I washed and packed all the diapers and brought a big giant wet bag crammed full of them, along with a pack of detergent for a mid-week wash.  But, I bought a pack of biodegradable liners for use when we are out and about.  I can use our covers and keep the poop from having to be lugged around all day.  Compromise.  And Sophie is just as happy as always. 

I could blog all day about all the decisions regarding the changes we made in our everyday routine to take a vacation, but as we speak, my family is ready to head out the door.  And they don't think my blog is the best thing for me to focus on right now.  So, it's off to the destination for the day...stay tuned for more from the vacationing family on the go!

Grab it and go!

One thing I have had trouble with since I've worked a more normal work week is fitting everything in.  Before working the job I have now, I was working 12 hour days, evenings, or other non-traditional hours.  It sounds hard to manage, but in reality, I thrived in the long stretches of time off between shifts.  I loved being able to run my errands during the hours that others were typically at work.  Having to share the stores with all the other working people on the weekends really cramps my run-in-and-grab-it style. 

 

But, since I joined the Monday-Friday crowd, I have found my evenings to be...well, less than relaxing.  Here is a typical day for me:

5:00am wake up to feed baby

5:30am get up and get ready for work

6:15am pack lunch for the kids and myself

6:30 round up the baby and all her stuff

(my husband gets the older girls ready and drops them off)

6:45 drive the baby to babysitter and then to work

7:15 get to work...work until about 4:00

4:15 pick up baby and drive to pick up older girls then head home

5:00 throw a load of laundry in and then sit down to feed baby

5:30 cook dinner

6:00 eat dinner, do dishes

6:30 finish laundry, folding, etc

7:00 get kids stuff ready for next day

7:30 feed baby

8:00 baths and get kids ready for bed

8:30 read books

9:00 hopefully kids to bed and spend time with husband

10:00 finish any work I brought home

head to bed sometime before midnight

hope the baby sleeps through the night

repeat

Sound fun?  It's grueling.  I spend so much time preparing for everything that I don't always enjoy the moments.  The advice I get from well-meaning friends is that I just do to much.  Um, ok.  Which parts should I leave out? 

So, I tried to remember how I managed before.  Back in the good old days when I had more time to spare.  Back when I didn't spend so much time getting ready...

 

A good friend of mine let me in on a not-so-secret secret of hers long before I ever got married.  Once a month cooking.  She took it to the extreme, and only shopped and cooked once a season for her family.  She bought in huge bulk with a friend, cooked it all up over one weekend and froze all the meals her family would eat.  So, instead of having to cook every night, she simply removed a meal, thawed it and heated it up.  I used her cookbook for a long time, and made over 62 meals in one weekend just before the birth of my first baby. 

 

Now, though, I don't have the freezer space I used to have.  What space I have is reserved for the preservation of all the produce I haul in from the garden.  So, I went looking for a new plan.  Lucky for me, I found an idea.  My husband and I were both on a new eating plan, on which we ate a salad every lunch.  Not just any salad, though.  I was cutting a ton of fresh veggies every night.  Our salads were delicious, but it was taking me an hour each night just to get it all together.  So, I saw a picture of a "salad in a jar" and decided to try it.  Just once a week cutting and layering the ingredients.  The moist ingredients on the bottom, and the ones most likely to wilt near the top.  In the morning, we can grab a jar and go...come lunchtime, we tip the jar upside down over a bowl and everything is fresh and crisp.  Ok, so far I haven't made more than 2 salads at a time, but I can vouch for the fact that it really does stay fresh!  One of my salads stayed perfect for 3 days before I ate it and even included marinated beets, feta cheese, and walnuts.  Nothing soggy! 

 

So, that's my tip of the week.  Prep ahead of time.  Freezer foods, lunch in a jar, or whatever you can find that makes less work of the evening.  Got any other great food prep ideas?  Please share them! 

 

 

Who's watching baby?

All three beautiful girls

There are many challenges that face middle class working mothers face, but probably none so stress invoking and complex as childcare.  There are often reports of low income mothers who struggle with how to find and pay for childcare, but what about those of us who are in the middle ground.  Most mothers are stuck making too much money to qualify for routine childcare subsidies but not enough to actually be able to pay the amount needed for quality childcare.  In addition to that, parents who work non-traditional days or hours can find it impossible to find someone who can care for their child so they can work without worry.  

This is the position we found ourselves in 5 years ago.  We lived in an urban mid-west city, where the options should have been plentiful.  Still, we spent hours, maybe even days, searching for and worrying about who would watch our small children.  My husband was working long hours that were often flexed to late or early shifts depending on the needs of the business.  I was working part time as a nurse for a community hospital about 30 minutes South of where we lived.  I worked the same hours every day, but the days I worked differed from week to week, and the 12 hour shifts meant I left for work at 6am and arrived home close to 8pm most nights.  I supplemented my income by teaching childbirth classes, often for a few hours during a weeknight evening.  Most day care locations had strict drop off and pick up times, and most required paying for a full weekday.  No one had weekend or late evening hours.  We managed for nearly 3 years to piece together childcare with friends, who allowed for flexibility and pay-by-the-day arrangements, but were often located far from our home.  At one time, I found myself waking at 4am to get our baby and 2 year old ready, drive 30 minutes North to my friend's house for drop off, then turn back and drive back past my house plus 30 more minutes South, and arrive at work by 6:45am.  The icy winter only added to the travel time and worry.  When my friend decided she was going to return to part time work, the gig was up.  

Our solution was a bit drastic.  We moved a little over 1400 miles to live in a small town my parents had moved to a decade earlier.  My husband went back to school and I worked evening/night shifts at the hospital while my parents filled in the hours that neither of us were at home.  For a while, we had no worries over childcare.  But, this arrangement took its toll on us.  My husband and I rarely saw each other, leading to feelings of loneliness and frustration.  I became physically drained from working nights and trying to sleep days.  Then, my oldest was preparing to go to kindergarten.  Working evenings, I was preparing myself to see her only a few days a week.  The other days, I would be at work before she got home from work and would be asleep when she got up in the mornings.  I was heartbroken and very, very stressed.  

My situation isn't drastic all all when compared with other working moms I know.  I have talked to friends who have, in desperation, worked the night shift so they could actually take care of their children during the day.  These women often did not sleep at all for 72 hours in a row.  Other moms had arrangements that allowed for only a few minutes of overlap between the time they got home from work and the time their spouse had to leave.  If she was late, sometimes the children were left alone "just a few minutes" in their beds so the spouse would not risk being late to work (an act that could eventually cause the loss of his much needed job).  One mom I know found a daycare that was open until 7pm.  She also knew that she would have to pay a routine $15 extra per day (a late fee of $1 every minute after close), as she did not leave work in time to arrive before 7:15.  

The older girls with their friend this summer.

Luckily, just as my oldest was entering kindergarten, I was promoted to nurse manager.  This new job title comes with additional responsibilities, but with more flexibility in work hours and primary day shift.  I am also blessed to be working for leaders who are understanding when my life is thrown into upheaval and work with me to make sure I have the resources I need to make sure my family and my job is in balance.  Stress over the care of our children, though, still ranks at the top of the list.  This year, we added a new life to our family. Just as my parents were preparing for retirement and travel, we added a baby to the mix.  While the older girls are now in school for most of the year, they still needed supervision getting on and off the bus.  I was able to stay home for 8 weeks, but then it was back to leaning on my parents for the bulk of this.  This summer, my parents move made it impossible for them to both care for 3 children and sort and pack their home of 17 years.  We pieced together a solution that required a calendar to know who was going where and when.  On Mondays and Tuesdays, the kids stayed together at our house, while a friend of the family came to them.  Wednesdays and Thursdays, I dropped the baby off at a babysitter on my way to work.  She stayed there until I picked her up on my way home.  The older kids were dropped off on my husband's way to work at a friend's house.  My parents shared Fridays, which was the only day I ended up not finding coverage for.  And then there were the weeks that one or more of the adults in this puzzle were out of town or had sick children and we had to rearrange again.  Until this summer, I had only written about 20 checks total in the 5 years we lived here.  This summer, I was writing 4-5 checks a week for different amounts to different people. My small budget for babysitting was eaten up faster than I could replenish it. It was complicated and confusing, but our children were safe and well cared for.  Thank goodness for my outlook and Cozi calendars.

Getting off the bus

Now, the school year is fast approaching.  That should, in theory, make it easy.  But, not only do we have to find someone to watch the baby all day, but we have to make sure the girls have an adult with them until they get on and once they get off the bus.  There is a wonderful before and after school program, but the cost for just a couple hours a day for the 2 days we need care is the same as full care, and it totals more than one of my husband's weekly paychecks.  Not an option.  So, back to our puzzle.  Thankfully, my parents are interested in helping us 3 days a week.  The other two days, we have one friend putting the older kids on the bus, another friend taking them off the bus, and another friend with a part time (yes, part time!) opening in her family friendly home daycare.  Best of all, my friend raises her son the way we strive to raise our children.  When I asked her what she would do if my baby was crying for attention when the other kids in the home needed her, she asked if Sophie would be happy in a carrier on her back.  Hurrah!  Meals, snacks and milk provided?  Double hurrah!  Still, we have the problem of timing.  The older girls need to be at their location at the same time as the baby, who is going across town, and my husband still has to be at work on time.  We are still working through this one...

Sophie gets to stay home part of the summer.

So, what do other moms do?  Some of them are putting together precarious arrangements.  Others push the envelope for safety.  Still others empty their bank accounts or their emotional and physical health to make it work.  Me?  I am thankful for the ability to move my hours forward or back to increase my options.  I do the best I can.  I hope that the string that holds it all together does not fray.  I wish for better programs that would allow for moms to work without having this worry.  In France, for example, there is mandated paid parental leave for child birth and adoption and there is the belief that society has an obligation to nurture strong parent-child ties.  Compare that to the U.S., where the cost and disruption of child bearing is viewed as a private choice and responsibility.  France has an excellent, nearly universal child care system.  Babies can be placed in either a Crèche (Daycare) or in the home of an Assistante Maternelle (Nanny). Once a child is older, he or she can be enrolled in an école maternelle (Pre-School).  Most of these options mirror the hours a European parent typically works.  Even this isn't perfect, though.  None of these are compulsory, but parents are eager to enroll, and wait lists often exist for neighborhood schools.  

For us, the decision for one of us to stay home is not financially possible.  We both love our jobs and the past few years have required us to pay catch up with our finances.  We still consider ourselves lucky to have my parents available more than half the workweek, but we still struggle to find an easy, cost-effective solution to the rest.  The issue of childcare can, and has, been the issue that can reduce this late 30-something mom of 3 to tears.  The questions on many a days is: who's watching baby today?