Smidge and the facilitators

This morning, I attended a meeting where we attempted to discuss work-life balance.  When our leadership team requested (pleaded for) some assistance with this, our fearless co-worker, Russ, took on the challenge of researching and presenting the topic.  I'd have to mark the hour we spent on the topic as productive and thought provoking (kudos to Russ!).  Sometimes, meetings can get bogged down with the details of tasks that need to be done, and we forget to share some of the stressors of normal, everyday worklife.  We were all feeling the pressures of maintaining a healthy home life and still finding the time to tackle the piles of work in our inboxes, on our desks, scattered around the office, schlepped from place to place...you get the picture.  Some of us have small children, and some of us have other "roles" that we maintain outside of work.  All of us find it difficult to take care of ourselves!

This morning, we were asked to list the roles we all maintain and how we feel we do in these roles.  The stress of imbalance often comes from not prioritizing our daily roles.  As I was working on listing out my roles, I got to the end of the page.  I still wasn't done.  Ah-ha!  Too many roles?  Too much emphasis on the wrong ones?  I haven't gotten that far yet.  I'm still adding more roles to the list!  Looking at myself, though, I know that historically, I take on too much.  Suddenly, I'm not really good at a few roles, I'm mediocre (or sometimes terrible!) at a huge number of roles.  Not pretty.  I'd much rather be really good at a few things than so-so at a whole slew of them.  That's why I specialized in labor/delivery when I became an RN.  However, I love to try new things.  I have lots of hobbies, and I tend to pile on individual projects without considering everything else going on.  One role, but many pieces.  I'm the same way with food, hence the nickname "smidge" that I earned by visiting the buffet with my friends and taking just one or two bites of most everything.  I tend to dabble a little in this, and a little in that.  When I find something I really enjoy, I stick with it...but not always for the long haul. 

One of the comments that I reflected back on this morning involved facilitators and drainers.  We were given a template to list out the things in our life for each category.  Interestingly, I suggested that what used to be a facilitator of happiness for me can turn into a drain if it is the wrong time, wrong place, with the wrong person.  Take scrapbooking, for example.  I love scrapbooking.  It allows me to use my training in the visual arts without plunging full force into the canvas and oils.  I can work on it piece by piece and also revisit the best moments of my past.  In the past, this was my biggest facilitator.  I used it as my creative outlet.  It relieved stress and gave me some "me time" while the kids were napping or out for the day.  I loved to show off my books and enjoyed going to group scrapping parties to learn new techniques and socialize.  But, with my third (and final!) baby, I discovered that even thinking about getting out all the tools, pages, and photos gives me anxiety.  I just simply have too many other things going on.  I'd much rather work outside in the garden (a current facilitator) and leave the photos (well organized by date and event!) on my harddrive.  I post them to social sites, but I haven't worked on a scrapbook in a few years.  I still feel guilty about my third not having a book while my first daughter has a work of art.  But, I figure, I'd rather have the quality time with her now than have a scrapbook full of empty memories because I tried to fit one too many things in. 

I think happiness is a personal journey that many of us fail to initiate.  Myself included.  I know I want to be happy, but I just don't try hard enough.  Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the barriers that I have created or refuse to knock down, that I just forget to see the options that could make my life easier.  So, over the next few days, I'm going to take a good look at my life.  I'm going to spend some time looking into myself.  Can I really do it all?  No.  Can I really do all that truly makes me happy?  I'd like to think so.  The real question is: can mama do it all and still stay happy?  If the answer is yes, then my path is being paved well.  If the answer is no, then I will have to discover for myself what the priorities are that I need to set.  The goal is not for me to try to be superwoman.  The goal is for me to find ways to achieve a work life balance I can live with.  And come out smiling in the end.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to take the first step...in the right direction.  If anyone needs me, I'll be figuring out what makes me happy.